Layers of Healing

I've been riding a steady stream of excitement and adrenaline for a few weeks now... crunch time before the big art exhibit, preparing and being incredibly excited. 

All that goodness... 

and yet

Yesterday I felt myself hit a wall. I thought to myself, "I need to be careful with all this excitement". 

Let me explain.
This is all very much my dream come true. It is what I have been working towards, WHY I started Captured & Reclaimed.
I am using my art to express myself... people are responding... I HAVE A SOLO EXHIBIT all month!!! This is beyond great, it is fantastic, wonderful and just about the coolest thing!

still...
This art work comes from a very tender, vulnerable part of me. This whole experience is a result of all the hardship that pushed me forward and expanded my "what if's". 
Hanging on the walls are reflections of pain and hope and devastation and beauty. I am so honored to share it, so proud to bring forth something tangible to show and so very torn
because
it is really scary.
And this is a big deal to me. 


One thing I have "inherited" during our infertility journey is the beastly issue of anxiety. It walks hand in hand with another part of me... depression. If I get too emotionally charged... these two sense opportunity. If I am not careful they could jump in the drivers seat.
I have worked hard to navigate stress, manage grief and keep these two in check.
But sometimes I get lazy and stop doing the necessary things to properly care for myself. I am human after all.

Tonight I had planned to go to a writers group. To chat, share poems and have a good time.  But I think I am going to pass. I think I need to detox from stimuli and read a good book. I think I need to lay on the sofa and do a whole bunch of nothing.

Because
tomorrow
I want to have all the space and energy to be present. To be excited. To soak it all in.

This is such a beautiful life and I feel so grateful that it is mine.
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