A few months later, amidst a Global Pandemic I submitted 3 pieces to a local call for art.
Sky Art Peoria, hosted by Arts Partners of Central Illinois, a juried competition style art event here in Peoria that was previously known as Art Pop.  
I had applied in the past and never won. 
This year I decided to apply again and to my utter delight and excitement... I was selected!!!!
From 150 entries only 5 pieces are chosen!  
When I received the call, I was so excited I almost forgot to find out which one of the pieces I submitted had won!
Check out the other Sky Art winners of 2020 here. 

These are the other two entries I submitted.  2 paintings, 1 embroidery piece.... all of them are cropped sections of larger pieces. All of them slightly different techniques and materials, yet each one mine. 

Why crop the artwork? Why not show the whole piece? Well, this is a unique circumstance because the artwork has to be able to fit specific dimensions (to become a billboard). So I chose to zoom into the pieces. What you might see if you stepped towards it in a gallery as you take in small sections before stepping back.

You might be surprised to realize that the embroidery piece is actually a small section within a small 9" hoop.  That's what makes Sky Art Peoria so cool to me. It takes artwork, made by local artists and scales it to a massive size. 
LARGE!
I did it. I went really large!!!!! 48 feet large! HA!

I still plan to paint large and make larger embroidery works, but seeing my work on a billboard has got to be one of the coolest experiences! 

I am so humbled and honored and thrilled! 
​

I began work on this Abstract Embroidery  early in January. This photo was taken 1/5/20
The same week Barbie and I led our Olli "Students" in creating the piece that would later be hung in the library. 

​

On January 22 I took this photo... the piece was nearly finished and when I did finish, I actually took it off the hoop to use that one for another piece. I had to purchase a few more hoops to finally "finish" this one. 

​

It just goes to show... you never know what the year will hold. 
I had no idea in January, that we would spend weeks in quarantine... months in isolation. That my first social gathering I would attend after months... would be to march in the streets for Justice. That we would be in the middle of a Civil Rights Movement. 
Friends, 
It's been a particularly intense year for our collective human experience.
We have had a lot of suffering and pain.    

yet, also there is joy. BOTH.
On an individual level, a community level, a country level, a global level.... we are in the thick of it. 
Living in the AND     
trying to navigate 

to find a way to hold them both. To move through them both.                Forward. 

That has always been the core of my art process, the roots that I found in art. Using my creativity to climb out of the pain and exist within both the truths. That the world can be falling apart around me and I can still find my way.

 
My friends... THAT is why my business is not just "art by Jaci Musec" 
it is in fact   "Captured & Reclaimed"        
because we exist in the AND
the AND is it
lean in.... 
because life is going to be a beautiful mess of all the things  AND more. 

 Hey friends,
Maybe you noticed that my Art by Jaci Musec Insta & Facebook  pages have been talking all about Happy Mail. What is the deal???? 
WELL....
I LOVE MAIL!
Seriously. I really enjoy writing, sending and reading letters. I love opening the mailbox to a personalized message from someone I know.  My "go to doodle" growing up was a mailbox. I LOVE MAIL! 

Several years ago I even signed up to be paired with not one but 2 pen pals! That's right!!! I have a penpal in Ireland (Claire) whom I have NEVER met in person. But we exchanged many letters over the years and we mainly stay in contact via Instagram now. Both of our lives changed a lot over the years of knowing her and it has been so cool.
I also have a pen pal in Germany (Bo) who I actually had the chance to meet IRL!!!!!! A few years ago when she was traveling through Chicago! Oh My Goodness it was so fun! We have the best conversations and have sent some of the best mail to each other throughout the years.  And I can honestly say we will remain friends for life.  

Pen Pals are so much fun!
I also wrote so many letters to strangers. I have been a contributor to many bundles of letters via this beautiful letter writing movement.  (Check it out : http://www.moreloveletters.com/ )
I wrote letters and left them around town; at the grocery store, the book shop, tucked behind a rock at the park. Those letters were written with the thinking that "whoever needed a love letter... would find it"It was like dropping little bits  of my heart around. I loved it. 
I also wrote to "sort of strangers" people who requested letters or who put in requests on behalf of someone else.  People I may know or have known, or perhaps not. But these letters were more purposeful in the way that they were written specifically with them in mind. Even if I didn't quite know "them".
I'm REALLY -REALLY- REALLY "into" writing letters, but it's more than that. IT's about the human connection. The encouragement, the community, the voice you can share when you have someone reading your words on a page.  It was part of my healing and part of my gift . 


As my life continued to unfold and my art became so much more, I let some of my snail mailing habits take a back seat. I simply would run out of time and energy after volunteering, creating, documenting and also being.  Years would go past with only a few heartfelt letters written. 
Sometimes it would be more than others, sometimes less. Life is like that ya know. 

It had actually  been  a while since I had mailed letters...and then this Global pandemic burst onto the scene. 
I found myself wanting to write. Wanting to connect.  Creating these little happy mail care packages for my friends. 
I started sending them out... one by one. And It was such a joy. 
I would be filled with excitement knowing that in a few days someone I care about would open their mailbox to find this burst of sunshine... in the form of a decorated envelope filled with a personalized booklet of encouragement, topped of with a handwritten letter. 
(Guys, I've had years to hone my skills and I love to gift give so these packets were something very special) 
​

One of my dear friends suggested I should sell these packets. 
BUT HOW? And who would want them? I mean... yes they are super cool and fun. But they also take me a long time to create, to personalize.  
Then I had an idea...
a way to give people some of my supplies and a little example so that they could create their own. That IS part of the fun! And with so many of us stuck in our homes missing our friends and families what a great idea. 
I put together a few options.

And I added them to my website (this website that you are reading this blog on). I had been procrastinating on putting products on my site for so long, because it seemed too hard, too complicated. But I did it! I did it for you!

Friends, 
sending mail is a gift. Reaching out through distance... with a piece of paper and a pen, your thoughts in your own penmanship... it's a beautiful thing. And you don't need to make the envelope cute, or compose a fun booklet... a simple letter is so meaningful and beautiful and enough. 
it is. 
But if you want to be extra. 
and you want to have some fun being creative...
why not send some Happy Mail.
I put together some bundles for you.  Each bundle has a little page full of ideas if you need some. 

The Make it @ Home Activity Kit 
Has a hand made (by me) care packet ready to be personalized .   Think of it as a template to follow to make your own.  And then a whole kit of supplies. Everything you need. Seriously... except maybe a pen, glue stick, scissors and your imagination) 

​The Materials Pack & 1/2 pack
Just the materials baby! You can order these on their own or add them on to the bigger bundles. Each one is unique. You get cute paper, washi tape, masking tape and an envelope. 

The Big Bundle of Love
This one is just plain fun! It comes with 2 handmade  care packets & so many materials!!!!
Everything is ready for YOU to do the personalizing!

The Explosion!
That's right! You get 4 hand made  ready to personalize care packets!  This one is for those of you who don't want to mess with the materials... you just want to add in a few of your own personal touches and get those babies in the mail.

Another option exists too...
You can have ME personalize the care packet!
Send to yourself or send to someone else! 
You just fill out a little survey and I will make it just for you (or your friend).

**this can be done with any of the bundle that has a  "ready to personalize" care packet inside. If you just send me a note I can arrange for you to get the survey. 
**also, with any bundle you can request a letter. 
**and if you need your items shipped instead of a porch drop off or porch pick up.... please add the little shipping option too. 

It's not a perfect system but it is chock full of love and goodness and I am so happy to be bringing you this piece of my heart. 


~Jaci~

blog post 2

Today is April 7, 2020.
10 more days of being home and living in this new normal.  The world looks different, it feels different, we are moving about in different ways and yet everything is the same too.

As we find our new rhythm and create our daily routines, it seems that the days are speeding by. Just when I was getting used to the slow pace, I had a few days of "busy", hours flew by and it felt like my feet were pulled out from under me.  A few deep breaths and a slow afternoon, a slow morning, a device free evening... and I am back to my "new normal". 

Today Is March 28, 2020
Living through a global Pandemic is a strange experience. Humans everywhere are all affected in various ways and we are rapidly learning the "new normal" as it unfolds. 

Yesterday, I watched a Instagram video from Elizabeth Gilbert... she was reflecting on a conversation she once had and said something to the effect of this: humans are uncomfortable with change, but we are VERY adaptable. In very little amount of time we adapt. We fear change, we struggle with it, but we can pivot in a moments notice, in a crisis, in a pandemic... to adjust to new rules, new thoughts, new realities. 

I really like thinking about that, because I often think about our resiliency and our strength and our ability to endure.

I thought I would blog a bit, share a few thoughts and photos from our first week of "shelter in place" and my  second week of social distancing. 

In January we spent two days with our Olli class.
Our time together included a power point presentation that gave examples of installation art from various artists around the world. We talked a bit about our individual art practices and our WHY for participating in this particular project.  One of the group favorites was this video of an installation by Daniel Wurtzel. Check out the link below, this piece is is beautiful and relaxing...Ballet de Plastique | Daniel WurtzelIn little to no time we became acquainted with our  Olli students, we answered their preliminary questions and then set to work. We officially dubbed our participants as "STUDIO ASSISTANTS" and tasked them with hoops.  Each hoop came with a corresponding bag of supplies. 
On the first day. The studio assistants used glue, yarn and nimble fingers to completely wrap the pre made hoops. 
On day two the studio assistants forged ahead on the creating portion. We encouraged each participant to insert their own creative ideas within the parameters we had set.  This was exciting for us as artists because both myself and Barbie are highly encouraging and passionate about self expression. Some of our assistants worried that they would "mess up"  or "do something wrong".  
Barbie and I continued to offer our support and guidance all the while encouraging and boosting their own creative confidence.  
It was very important for us that our assistants understand that we were less concerned about the end product they were creating and more invested in the process, the act of creating. We wanted them to explore, troubleshoot, play and take risks.  We also wanted them to take ownership over their portion. 
We made sure that each participant knew that they were an integral part of this project. THEY were creating the pieces that would later be assembled into our hanging mobile. 

​

One of the key aspects I think about in my art is the intersection between my work and the community. I consider the organizations I participate in, the activities I promote, the artwork I create and so much more when planning out my year. I simply cannot do all of the things I would like to but I do try to volunteer my time and energy when and where I can. 
This is a story about one of those projects.  
It began with my studio mate, friend and fellow community volunteer Barbie Perry. She approached me about an opportunity that friend and artist, Duffy Armstrong from Olli had presented. This was an idea for Barbie and I to teach a class at the winter workshop sessions that Osher Lifelong Learning Institute conduct.  (You can learn about the organization here).  

Lucky for us, we had just learned from the programming Librarian at Peoria Public Library, Karla W. that she had just the spot for an art installation.  With that we set to work creating the workshop outline, researching, gathering materials, meeting with Karla and preparing. We knew that this would be big project to tackle and would require a balance of time and energy.  

Barbie and I agreed to fearlessly dive into this project centered around creating a public art installation.  ​ 
In one of our initial meetings with Karla W. we discussed measurements, logistics, and timeline. We were able to break the project down into small tasks that could be tackled easily over the several months we had to prepare. This helped to ensure that we were able to still work on our individual art practices. 
Our earliest studio sessions involved concept design and execution projections. We knew that the artwork being created need to meet some of our conceptual goals. The library is a community space that while welcoming, is still a very utilitarian space. We wanted to bring  soft, airy,  feminine and ephemeral qualities to the space.  We also had to consider that this piece needed to be achievable with a group of people who may or may not have artistic tendencies.  We wanted the experience to be positive and successful as well as educational for our Olli students.  

While both Barbie and myself believe in the importance of paying artists for their time and work, we volunteered our efforts in this project, in the same way that Olli runs completely on volunteers.  Because we were not working with a budget for the project, we made a goal to  spend little to no money on materials and supplies. We worked with items that we had on hand or were given to us. 

Materials:
Aluminum Boat Ramp poles, Rope, Twine, Glue, Fishing wire, pvc tubing, spray paint, yarn, string, wire, an old book, fabric, packing material, plastic waste, bubble wrap, and garbage bags. 

Goal:
To use these materials to create a mobile that could hang in the skylight area of the main branch of Peoria Public Library.   We intended to best utilize the Olli participants to help assemble elements of the project. 

Execution:
We created 10 hoops from PVC tubing, glue and tape.  Each hoop was spray painted. We designated materials that would be used for each hoop.  During our Olli class we had our students wrap the hoops with yarn and then create interest and texture within the space of each hoop using the provided materials. 

It's March and I have a collection of blog drafts that I started and never finished for one reason or other.   There was the one I wrote about an exhibition I was in, it had all the info about when and where. Then there was the one I wrote recapping 2019. I have 12  total, they will probably live in the draft bin permanently. I had every intention, but things just fell apart.
I tried. 
I failed.
​

Lately I've been feeling overwhelmed. Pulled in all the different directions. I started the year with a clear intention, but somewhere in between then and now I feel like I lost my way.   
On one hand I want to recap everything and bring you up to speed. On the other, I just want to begin from here and move forward. 
What will actually happen? Probably some messy combination of the two. 

Messy is actually a pretty good word for describing me. 
So... what has this messy artist lady been up to? 
A quick recap...
After moving into my new studio, I rearranged no less than 75 times. (It's part of my process. Constantly shifting and changing. )
I painted a mural in the ladies restroom. 
I had my work in a few exhibitions. 
I launched my Play! workshops. 
I taught a kids class at the Peoria Art Guild.
I joined the advisory team for Peoria Made. 
I created a logo for North Art Studios.
I taught an Olli workshop with Barbie Perry, creating a community Art Installation.
I took lots of naps. I went on some trips.  Some of my friendships deepened. Some have faded. 
I ruined a few paint brushes, broke a few finger nails and  wrote a few blog drafts. 
Things have been steady.
Things have been slow.
It has all been rather messy, beautiful, chaotic, overwhelming, pleasant,  exciting, frustrating, underwhelming, ordinary .... and everything in between.
​

Now that I've recapped a little of the last year, I'm just going to call this good.  Let's begin again okay? 

And... to be clear, This probably wont be the last time I drop the ball. It won't be the last time I get overwhelmed or feel disconnected. But I promise to keep going, to keep trying.  
I hope you stick around. I'm glad your here. 

Friend, 
It has been far too long since I checked into this blog and wrote down my thoughts. 
Did you hear about my new studio? 
This space is kind of a dream come true. Let me tell you about it. 

After we made our decision to stop pursuing family building, I felt a new sense of space open up. I wanted to finally give my art business ideas room to grow and unfold. For so many years, my ideas, projects and art goals had been put on hold or downsized to fit into our lifestyle. The lifestyle that was perpetual fertility treatments, large payments, fluctuating schedules, and yo-yo emotions. It was liberating to shift the focus. 

For awhile, I had been dreaming of possibilities. I've got so many ideas; like hosting workshops, offering one on one sessions, owning my own studios, planning large exhibits, installations and so much more. 
My friend Misty, (fellow artist) had mentioned that her church was hoping to utilize some unused space, possibly for artists.  We chatted about ideas and life goals and I didn't think about it again. Then a few months later, she brought it up again, asking if I knew who she should direct the church leaders to... where they could begin with making contacts with artists.  I suggested the Emerging Artist Collective. Blair Clark, and the admins of EAC are always connecting artists to local information and I thought that would be a good place to start. 
Time passed, and I ended up becoming an EAC admin myself, along with a few other new admins. One day, Blair  let me know that St. Pauls had reached out to her. She was going to tour the space to offer feedback, and had invited Barbie Perry and myself along. At that point Barbie and I had also been dreaming up some ideas for Peoria. Well, the three of us (plus baby J Clark) toured the church and it's space. It was full of possibilities and really interesting. We all had a lot of questions and certainly could see the potential.
 

 Barbie continued the conversation with the church leaders, as she is a total powerhouse of amazingness, and she decided to move in. Before long, Jason (the maintenance man extraordinaire) was finishing her studio. I was feeling like I needed to seriously consider a move but I was hesitant, I had a perfectly lovely studio already.   
In the end, I decided that I could not pass up this opportunity. 
My new studio is spacious... it's so big and beautiful. My new studio has the best AC unit. My new studio is flooded with natural light from the wall of windows. My new studio is pet friendly, secure, clean, and affordable. I could go on and on... but here are a few photos. 

All of my art supplies fit into this space. I absolutely love it. Barbie and I share a window wall that my brother Austin built.  Other artists are in and soon more will be coming. There is still work happening and things that need to be decided on by the group (like a name) but I am so thrilled to be a part of this. 
Thankful. Grateful. Beyond Excited.

This is where the water gets murky.  The contract is very important and crucial step in this process. The contract is for our (Intended Parents) protection, the baby’s protection, the gestational surrogate’s protection and her family’s protection. Everyone involved is considered and protected. It is a huge undertaking.
We had all of our research and knowledge but until you are in the contract phase… it’s really hard to imagine all the possible scenarios you need to think through, plan for and wrap your head around.  Dealing with lawyers is intimidating… the language and the legality is daunting.  The whole process got heavy… fast.  And expensive… it’s what we knew… what we had anticipated… but it just felt so…. Big and heavy.
I won’t go into details, because those are for us.
 But I will share this. I started to mildly panic. And it only took a short amount of mild panic days for my anxiety to become fully charged and ready to explode.  
One night, Matt took Ellie on a walk. During their walk, an email popped up on my phone… from our lawyer. It wasn’t a bad email. It didn’t say anything that was unexpected or outrageous… but it triggered something in me. And I had a panic attack.   Irrational  Emotional  Frantic PANIC…. gripped me. The pressure of everything seemed to crash into me.
It felt like this was the bad news. This was the ball dropping. This was the story our infertility journey always took… “and now for the bad/sad/disappointing/heartbreaking/devastating portion” 
It wasn’t
But
To me … it felt like it was.
And I typed a response… a nonsensical response to our lawyer. I hit send.
Then I panicked some more… and typed a second response to our lawyer. I hit send again.
 
The door opened, and a freezing Matt & Ellie (our dog) walked in… He was talking to me.
I couldn’t hear him. I was panicking. I told him over and over “I am panicking”
He didn’t understand. why was I in a panic? Don’t worry… it’s okay.
He read the email that triggered me. He saw nothing wrong with the email. (Bless his level headed soul, I love this man)
He reassured me that it was fine, we could email her a response in the morning. I could now stop panicking.
So I told him (still panicking but a little less intensely) “No I emailed already, twice… omg I was panicked. It doesn’t make sense. Our lawyer will think I am losing my mind. What have I done? Can you email her? Tell her I panicked? Fix it please?”
He was (rightfully) upset with me for having responded twice… without first consulting him. And to be honest I think he was kind of upset with me for panicking. When you live with someone who has anxiety or depression… or both… it affects you too, and sometimes, you get upset, sometimes you just wish they didn’t have these things. I get it. It is valid. It makes sense. But when you are the person with all the feelings going haywire… it hurts. I could sense his frustration and anger… which of course… made me panic even more.
I didn’t sleep much that night.
The next day I cried a lot. I cried at the lawyer’s kindness in her response to my two emails. I cried because I felt like I was unraveling. I cried and I thought. And then I went to my studio. And I started to paint.
I needed to get that panic out. I needed to release it. ​

It's been  a week and a half since we made our decision. A few days ago we went public with it, and I wanted to come here... and share a little more. How it all unfolded there at the end. How I took my grief / panic / anxiety and poured it into this work seen above. 

I'm not sure what the future holds. But I am ready. 

and thank you
Thank you for your words of encouragement, your prayers, your hugs and tears and hope. It has been a very long journey. 
Jaci Musec


my facebook/instagram post:
We’ve always been us. You, Me 
I want to write a million words about the journey we have walked together. But words can only capture a small piece. Some things can only be said through art, or tears, or music, or hugs. 
I choose to keep fighting for us. To enjoy the moments we have, together. 
Me, You 
__________________ 
Last week, Matt and I made the decision to stop our pursuit of having a child/children. 
Our road through infertility was long. It was painful on every single level. My heart broke a thousand times. 
We fought hard, but it was time to lay down our armor and surrender. I never imagined that after 8.5 years we would choose to be childfree, I never thought that this would be our resolution. But the path led us to moments that brought everything into focus. Moments where I knew ... if we kept clawing at this door, if we continued our efforts of prying open the door to a future we thought we would always have... if we kept at it, it would break us.
And in every fiber of my being I knew, we had arrived at our resolution.
It would have been nice to get pregnant on our own. It would have been nice to have one of the five rounds of IVF result in a baby. It would have been nice if that little heartbeat we heard had stayed around longer than 8 weeks. 
It would have been nice.
But
That’s not the story that unfolded for us.
You don’t know how far this journey will take you... or where the road will lead. You don’t know when you first embark, if it will work or if you will survive. 
I know now, that I am enough, our small family is enough, our love is enough.
I’m so ready for life beyond infertility. For the adventures we have ahead. 
I’m so thankful for this painful, treacherous road... it taught me this:
Be who you are, love her, love love love, make things, it’s okay to not be okay, it’s okay to take care of yourself, breathe, you matter, you are enough & this wont last forever. 
🖤

Today Ellie only wanted to be outside.

She waited patiently for our walk and when the walk was rather short she seemed to ask for me to let her into the backyard. I knew it was probably our only chance for her to have some good outdoor time this week, but I also was feeling very productive and energized. My to-do list was getting tackled. It was warm-ish a nice 30*F and not too windy, so I let her out to explore the yard.
​but
I noticed she wasn't running into the small patch  of shoveled lawn. She wasn't sniffing the branches.  She wasn't rooting around underneath the deck.  She just was being still. 
For several minutes I watched her sitting on the edge of the deck. 

 And it moved me. 
It was as if my sweet little pup was sending me a reminder. To stop and be.
To go outside when the weather is warm enough and take it in.
​Breathe. Listen. Be Still.



 So I bundled up and took her to the walking trail.

Together we walked on the snowy path.
Breathing in the fresh crisp air.
Listening to the wind rustle through the branches.
Hearing the winter bird songs. 
Our steps muffled and our gait slow.
​

We took it all in. Stopping to smell or snap a photo. 

On our way back my glasses grew misty. It was raining or snowing. Just little tiny specs of water. Ellie's fur had collected mini snowballs and her sweater was damp. My cheeks were rosy, and my body warm.  
For a moment we stopped. I took a deep breath in, just as a Blue Heron took flight. He had been resting in a small pool of water nearby. Iced over at the edges the water was still moving, creating the most tranquil sound. A moment to be still within. 

For the remainder of the walk my brain was at work, creative sparks and ideas were bubbling to the surface.  It was as if our walk on the snowy trail path had pulled these thoughts together and brought them to life. 
​

Friends,
Work will wait. 
The world is calling us to come outside and breathe deep. If only for a few moments. 
And maybe,
it will be the thing your work needs. 
​~Jaci