Standing very still
I stood
looking up
at the moon
as it stood in front of
the glorious sun
together
they made
magic
the world
and 
God
move me

Mountains of hard. Endless and overwhelming they rise up before me. I feel tired and overcome. The mountains of hard. They undo me.

That's exactly how I was feeling as I sat in my latest therapy session. 

 exhausted.  Feeling the weight of everything.
All the grief, depression and fear. Frustration, loneliness and heartache.

It felt like this huge daunting task to even think about beginning to step towards anything. 

Mountains of hard. 
That's where I was. 

Talking helped. Sleeping helped. I took one step and then another. 
The medicine began to work, I felt energy seeping back into me. Giving me a little more energy. 
I saw people. Friends. My family. I hugged. I talked. 
I began to sing again.
I painted again.

and 

the small shifts. the small steps forward.
they moved me. To a new place. to a spot where I could finally breathe and stay awake. 
Where I could see the mountains but I could also see my strength. Not a valley. 
More like an open field. With tall wavy grass and sturdy oak trees. Where wildflowers bloom and butterflies roam. Where the light hits golden on every  inch of land.
Oh my soul.
I took deep breaths.

The mountains are still here. But they are on my canvas and they have less power. I know I will climb them and face them and be surrounded by them. But I will not be undone. Not now.

I found my way back. 
and 
here I will rest a bit.
​