Today I took our little dog for a walk.
It was cold and windy. I bundled up, she wore her scraggly fur as usual.
Gusts blew the wisps of hair sticking out from under my hat.
We took a familiar path down the sidewalk, of a cul de sac. Upon reaching the bend, my ears caught sound on the wind. A steady playing of rhythm instantly noticeable as wind chimes. Melodic dancing tones.
Ellie too caught the sound, it utterly terrified her.
She glanced at me, at the house, and then as if to say "let's get out of here" she pulled hard on the leash. Doing her best to get away from the wind chimes. Looking at the house and it's mystery sound with frequency, until it was well out of site. Her little dog brain trying to make sense of this new information.
We are like that sometimes. Frightened by the strange, the new, the unknown.
We pull hard in the opposite direction.
There is no shame in being frightened and perplexed. It is a key part of our learning experience.
However, unlike my sweet dog. We have the ability to understand on a level that is much more intricate and nuanced. We do not have to remain frightened and worried by that which is unfamiliar.
In fact, we have such a privilege to learn and grow and change.
We have tools at our fingertips that can help teach us.
We have relationships with people who can share what they have learned.
We have the ability to discern. We have the opportunity to build new relationships, to ask questions and seek information.
we may, still, armed with knew knowledge, carry fear.
But it is my hope that we would first move forward in love and curiosity before we cast a net of fear out before us.
Fear is like a snapchat filter. Fear is like a pair of foggy glasses. Fear is a means of distorting perception. Be cautious about that which intensifies fear in your heart.
Once, as a little girl, I was looking out the back window of our family vehicle. It was night and we had been traveling for awhile. I noticed a small feathery seed clinging to the window. It looked so strange. I didn't know it was a seed. I didn't know what it was.
Yet somehow, my wild imagination convinced me that it was a thing to fear.
I imagined that this seed could bore into my skin. That it would travel through my body. It spooked me in such an impressionable way, honestly I do not know why or how or what justified this fear. It was completely and innocently made up in my seven year old brain.
This year will hold many unknowns.
My creative business is changing. My artwork is expanding. I have new and exciting projects. I have growing connections and interesting challenges.
Personally we have decisions to make, treatment to plan for, embryos to bring home. The political climate is feeling very unstable and I feel as if a constant noise of argument is humming in the background. People I know and love are facing heartbreak and uncertainty.
this space... the here and now, it is a hard and difficult space to be sometimes.
My hope is that my artwork, my words, my actions, and my love will inspire in you a new hope.
One that lets fear fall into the shadows.
Forward, without fear. 2017
As many of you know, if you've been following along my journey, creating art has been a healing revolution in my life.
Years spent in the ongoing throes of infertility had left me feeling broken and less.
It felt as if the strong negative emotions creeping in were slowly changing my identity.
Bitterness, anger, pain, heartbreak, helplessness, fear, frustration, anxiety, depression and more...a cocktail of darkness loomed over me.
It was exhausting.
Early in 2014 I experienced one of the biggest shifts in thinking. A brand new idea to me.
Learning that I could give myself permission.
Permission to be what I had a sneaking suspicion I had been created to do all along.
Up until that point, I actively cultivated "becoming the best version of me." (I even wrote a song about it) but in some ways I was still holding back.
The dark cloud loomed and I seemed to be in battle... a constant struggle. It was so hard to better myself while trying to cope with our infertility journey.
At some point, anxiety became a leading role in my life, depression took center stage- yet all the while I was making strides in self care, gratitude, kindness and more... Yet, it wasn't until this permission slip to my soul unlocked a new identity that I truly began to part the clouds of darkness and embrace my journey--- in other words---HEAL.
I gave myself permission to be me.
It looked something like this:
"dearest self, you have permission to be who God created you to be. Stop selling yourself short--- as 'just a creative.' You are so much more than JUST creative.
And dear, your broken heart... it is part of you, it is intertwined in the very fabric of who you are... but you are so much more.
Stop working so hard and be.
You ARE an artist! Create!
Feel! Breathe! And
Take this messy, complicated, long season of waiting and use it.
And one more thing... it is so sweet that you desire to be the best version of yourself, but YOU are great
opening your heart to the authentic you--- embracing your art, your journey, your pain, your longing, your truth...
well dear, that IS the best version of yourself.
Yes! You will always be unfolding, becoming but know that you are already here... and
YOU ARE ENOUGH"
Go ahead and read that last bit of it again.
"You are Enough"
Wow. Making a declaration to yourself, giving permission on this level. It does something to you. A great and mighty shift has occurred, and I can never go back.
I am an artist.
I capture moments.
I encourage others.
I love people.
everyday I add a small portion,
what will be considered
What is it that you need to give yourself permission to be?
When will you decide to love who you are?
To proclaim that YOU are in fact ENOUGH?
We need to shift the way we think.
Because we are all creative---
let's stop thinking of ourselves as
groups of humans who are "just creative"
and other groups who are "Not creative"
still others who are either "super creative" or those who think they have "zero capacity for creativity."
We are human... it is in our nature to create---
we were designed that way!
So maybe you wont be a painter, or a photographer, or a novelist, or a poet, or a musician, or a sculptor...
buried deep inside your soul ...
is a masterpiece...that only you can bring fourth
It is your life.
Photos taken by Jaci Musec
Scenes provided by the great creator.
Hey there dear ones. I took a short break from blogging so I could keep my sanity during the holiday season. Now it's January- a new year- and I am feeling energized and inspired.
One of my January goals includes making studio time a priority. I am also making "getting fit" a priority too, but that's another post.
So... I've had a few solid days of studio time and I feel confident that I can keep up my current schedule.
Two reasons: 1. I am exploring and "playing" with different colors, ideas, processes and subject matter--- portraits! (My least confortable area so it is fun and challenging to open up and try.)
2. I am working on a new series of paintings. The collection is titled "Through Infertility".
Basicly I am working with five unique couples who have experienced or are currently going through the turmoltuous journey of infertility.
Each week I will focus on an individual couple... taking their personal story and turning it into a work of art.
The goal is to give them something tangible that will in a way commemorate this season of life, while honoring their pain, joy, sorrow and uniqe twists and turns.
As I am working with couple 1 this week I am reminded anew why I choose to go after this project. I am inspired, honored, and moved to be able to paint an abstract expression of their journeys.
I've been emailing couple 1 with updates, details and photos the past two days. Their reaction to this experience is more than I could have hoped for. This process seems to be touching and healing for them.
"I'm speechless. I cried looking at the photos you sent. I love knowing that our story is literally the heart of this painting."
Yet, what I am most suprised by, is my own response.
am deeply moved. We've only just begun and I find that I am full of emotion, energy, inspiration, tears, joy and hope.
When this idea first came to me- fully formed- I recognized it's power and beauty immediatley. I knew I wanted to do this project to give healing hope, through my art, to other's on this journey.
What I didn't anticipate was just how beautiful and powerful it would be for myself.
I am so excited to see where this Through Infertility project goes and how it evolves. For now, I am just in awe of the way it has moved me in such a short time.
"You are not alone"- Couple 1 (female)
So it is with much anticipation that I begin this new year, this new month. 2017 will have a major focus in my art, it's growth and how I "put it out there into the world."
Follow along on Instagram at @artbyjacimusec
Please share with others who might be encouraged by this project.
and stay tuned for more Captured & Reclaimed updates.
Ps. Thank you, for being you. A miracle of life, breath & soul, heart & humanity, spirit & body... may you find inspiration and beauty in your life.
I love using words to connect with my fellow humans.